Partner-Assisted Perineal Massage: When and How to Include Them

As childbirth approaches, many expecting parents seek ways to physically and emotionally prepare for the experience. One often overlooked yet highly beneficial practice is perineal massage, a gentle technique that can help reduce the risk of perineal tearing during vaginal birth.

When practiced with a partner, this massage becomes more than just a physical preparation—it fosters connection, trust, and shared involvement in the birthing journey.

Why Perineal Massage is Valuable in Birth Preparation?

Perineal massage involves gently stretching the tissues of the perineum—the area between the vaginal opening and the anus—to help increase flexibility and reduce the likelihood of trauma during birth. When done regularly from around 35 weeks of pregnancy, this technique may:

• Improve perineal elasticity

• Reduce the need for an episiotomy or stitches

• Increase bodily awareness and comfort with the birthing process

The Supportive Role Partners Can Play

While perineal massage you can be done solo, involving a partner can provide both physical assistance and emotional support. Many birthing individuals find that shared participation:

• Enhances feelings of support and intimacy

• Helps normalise the experience, reducing embarrassment

• Encourages mutual preparation and ownership of the birth process

When to Involve Your Partner?

Ideal Time to Start Partner-Assisted Massage

Most healthcare providers recommend starting perineal massage around 35 weeks gestation. By this point, the body is preparing for birth, and there's adequate time to condition the perineal tissues gently.

Signs You May Be Ready to Include Them

You may be ready to involve your partner if:

• You're comfortable with them in intimate settings

• You’ve tried self-massage and found it challenging

• You’re both open to communicating honestly about comfort and boundaries

Considering Comfort, Trust, and Communication

Success with partner-assisted perineal massage hinges on clear communication, mutual respect, and emotional safety. Trust that this is a learning experience for both of you—one that requires patience and vulnerability.

Benefits of Partner-Assisted Massage

• Emotional Bonding and Teamwork: Prepares both partners for the collaborative nature of childbirth.

• Reduces Feelings of Awkwardness or Isolation: Sharing the experience can normalise intimate care and reduce anxiety.

• Involvement in the Pregnancy Journey: Helps partners feel actively engaged, not just as observers but as participants in the preparation.

Addressing Common Concerns

Overcoming Embarrassment or Shyness

It’s normal to feel awkward initially. Start by having an open, non-judgmental conversation about your expectations, comfort levels, and any hesitations.

Managing Boundaries and Consent

Always seek verbal and non-verbal consent before and during each session. Establish a safe word or hand signal for discomfort. This reinforces trust and respect.

Reassuring Partners About Safety and Comfort

Many partners worry about causing pain or doing it “wrong.” Reassure them: gentleness, slowness, and attentiveness are key. They’re not expected to be perfect—just present and patient.

Step-by-Step Guide to Partner-Assisted Perineal Massage

1. Set the Scene

• Choose a private, quiet space

• Use clean hands and short, trimmed nails or wear gloves if you feel more comfortable

• Have a natural lubricant ready (e.g., vitamin E oil, almond oil)

2. Communication First

• Check in with each other before beginning

• Agree on words or gestures for “stop,” “gentler,” or “okay”

3. Thumb/Finger Placement

• The birthing partner can lie semi-reclined with knees bent

• The assisting partner uses clean, lubricated thumbs (or index fingers if preferred) to gently insert about 2–3 cm into the vaginal opening

4. Gentle Stretch & Pressure

• Apply gentle, steady pressure downward (toward the anus), then sweep outward in a “U” shape

• Maintain gentle tension for 1–2 minutes, repeating a few times

• Avoid vigorous or rapid movements

5. Relaxation & Breathing

• Encourage slow breathing and pelvic floor relaxation

• Use soft verbal cues or eye contact to maintain calm

Tips for Making It Comfortable

• Use pillows for support in a semi-reclined position

• Keep sessions short—5 to 10 minutes is usually sufficient

• Focus on creating a relaxing atmosphere, not just technique

• Consider playing soothing music or using aromatherapy

When Not to Do Partner-Assisted Massage?

Avoid this technique if:

• There’s active infection (e.g., yeast infection, herpes outbreak)

• The birthing person experiences pain or bleeding

• A healthcare provider advises against vaginal penetration

• The mother feels emotionally unready or pressured

Always consult with your obstetrician, midwife, or pelvic health physiotherapist before starting.

The Partner’s Role Beyond Massage

While massage is a helpful practice, partners can also support by:

• Providing emotional encouragement during labour

• Helping with postpartum care, including pelvic floor health reminders

• Attending physiotherapy or prenatal classes together

Partner-assisted perineal massage is more than a technique, it’s an opportunity for emotional closeness, physical preparation, and shared empowerment. With mutual respect, open communication, and guidance, this practice can help couples face birth feeling confident, connected, and ready.

Whether you're a birthing parent or a supportive partner, your teamwork starts now—not just in the delivery room, but in the intentional care and collaboration you build together before birth.

Our team of women physiotherapist are here to teach you and your partner perineal massage when you both ready.

See you soon!

Cheers

Danielle, Xan & Claire

Contact Information

Email: hello@physiomatters.com.sg

Phone: +65 9352 9067

Address: 360 Orchard Road #10-07 International Building, 238869